I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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