I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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