I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
