yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
