My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
