She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
