question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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