I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
