at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
