I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
