If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
