Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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