I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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