I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
