your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize