the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
