I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
