last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
