Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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