She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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