I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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