I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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