I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
