White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
