dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
