Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
