He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
