Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
