You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
