I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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