It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
