It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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