I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
