Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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