so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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