Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
