You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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