Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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