I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
