U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
