I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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