THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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