I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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