I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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