Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
