As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
