if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
