Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
