am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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