Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
