I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
