I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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