I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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