she was so not down for the gang bang
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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