if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize