just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
