You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
