Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
