life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
