How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
