I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
