I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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