there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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