I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
