So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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