This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
