what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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