I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
