my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
