So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
