I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
