I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
