did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
