I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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