next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
