something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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