having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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