i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
