Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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