Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
