the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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