Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
