I want to make a zoo with you.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
