your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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