Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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