If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
