you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
