You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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