i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
