you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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