Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
