I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
