he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
