I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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