Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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