when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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