i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
