i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
