Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
