hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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