I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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