this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
