Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
