His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
farters have to be the big spoon...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
