So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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