I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
