Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
