I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
