Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
