Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
