OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
