He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love you. Go after that dick
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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