a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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