Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
