You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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