We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
