I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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