I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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