If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
