if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
